365 Days: In the Mourning.

I´m doing a yearlong project with a little piece of art every day. This is my way to think about grief and loss. This is my way to express creativity. This is my way to learn something about life. This my way to live one year with eyes and arms and heart wide open. Join me! It´s an adventure!

You can also find me on Instagram: @365.days.in.the.mourning


Hinweis: Ich schreibe hauptsächlich auf Englisch, da viele der beteiligten Personen englisch-sprachig sind. Bitte gerne melden, wenn ich mit der Übersetzung ins Deutsche weiterhelfen kann!

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Day 170 of 365

Make something unintended out of existing instructions. Um...Yes... Sorry for the (intended) absurdity.

Day 169 of 365

Create a personal shelter. A few years ago someone asked me: "where can you re-energize?" And I said: "On this particular spot on my red sofa between the right and the middle seat (when you stand in front of it)!" And it is my personal shelter from distress and source of energy and good vibes until today.

Day 168 of 365

Write a ten-word horror or ghost story.

Day 167 of 365

Work with pencils. "Over my dead bird's body."

Day 166 of 365

Make a piece of armor for everyone or everything that needs protection. This is a quick draft for headphones that not only keep noices out, but might also keep unwanted disturbances away.

Day 165 of 365

Transform a piece of furniture into something other than that it's meant for. I started this a few years ago: this is the door from my grandmother's  sewing room (she was a dressmaker) - when my grandparents died I asked for that door. First I wanted to transform it into a wardrobe, but it quickly became an art gallery in my living room (with changing exhibitions ;-).

Day 164 of 365

Use the wind!

Day 163 of 365

Work with only the items you find in your refrigerator. This is the world's best brownie recipe - carved in the butter you need for it. I got this recipe from a friend... We always made brownies in times of despair (during exam preparations) - most of the time late at night.

Day 162 of 365

Create a trap. When it is 3 am in the mo(u)rning/ at night and you can't sleep but you are too tired to get out of your bed: The bed suddenly becomes a trap in which you are caught between concerns, doubts and sad thoughts and weariness...

Day 161 of 365

Make something with an old calendar. This is a calendar from 2011 (the artist is Hermann Hesse) - I got it from my aunt who died of cancer not long after that. Last weekend I found it while sorting out books and documents.

Day 160 of 365

Make a kit for an activity that normally would not need one. Attending a Funeral-Kit! 

Day 159 of 365

Use makeup. Cemetery stroll! Everytime I take a walk in a cemetery (it doesn't matter in which cemetery), I feel a strange attachement to that place and to the people burried there... 

And another thought: will it be weird to use the makeup again with which I painted a grave? We'll see! 

Day 158 of 365

Work with homonyms today. I work with this homonym all year! 

Day 157 of 365

Make something that is strong enough to support your own weight. I'm in a hotel and almost broke this thing and please pay close attention to the stylish pink socks...Living on the edge. 🤗😌 

Two night owls on a magazine basket (?). In mythology, an owl is said to be a harbinger of death...

Day 156 of 365

Work with toilet paper tubes. I am so sorry! Today's prompt is really bad in every possible way (I wish today's prompt would have been "Make two bad things in one") - so, first it is a really bad joke when talking about dying. 🙈😂😱 And it is also a really unhelpful thing to say to a grieving person (or any other person). And bonus: it is also really not good, when you run out of toilet paper... On weekends...expecting guests... (another story) 😵😁

Day 155 of 365

Make something inspired by fingerprints. When one feels lost and alone between the lines and going around in circles, sometimes it's good to find someone to tell you where you are and from there you can start again, trying to find the way...

Day 154 of 365

Create a board game. This game is called "We're not dead yet" and it's really simple: sometimes you're at a point in your life where it is necessary to have some tea or coffee (or an Happy Hour! 🍸) with friends just to celebrate that you did survive so far... (and sometimes it is also good to remember to write your advance directive 😉).

Day 153 of 365

Make something light seem heavy. Ehem...yes.

Day 152 of 365

Create a Rube Goldberg machine. The title song of this machine is "Paint it Black" - the beat of the song is the rhythm in which the red door is painted black (of course). 

Day 151 of 365

Make something with crayons. What would you pack in a suitcase for your final journey? I'm not sure...maybe I would prefer my handbag and everything that's in it to a suitcase?! (I am on vacation and I put only the coloring pencils in my current suitcase)

Day 150 of 365

Make something on or with your nose. When you are a bereaved family member, it is like having a giant pimple on your nose: some people stop meeting you because they are afraid it is contagious, some people are staring at you without knowing what to say, and only the brave ones and empathatic enough ask: "How are you holding up with this giant pimple on your nose? How can I help?"

Day 149 of 365

Make something with all utensils in your household. I spent the day on the train so the only utensils I had on hand were my hands (and my new reading matter - very subtly presented in this work 😉). Nevertheless, if you don't have anything else, you can still spread some love, can't you? Usually I try to avoid talking to other people on the train, but today there were nice people on the train and to sum it up: the saying "everyone has their own story" is very true. 

Day 148 of 365

Make something purple. This is inspired by Prince's "Purple Rain", just because it is the first thing that came to my mind and someone called it a "slow-burn, red-hot emo joy". 

Day 147 of 365

Make something inspired by your favorite movie. I don't know what my favorite movie is. Sometimes I'm really upset, that I don't have an answer to this question (and all the other questions everyone else seems to have an answer to). 

Day 146 of 365

Visualize a word chosen randomly from a dictionary. I found the word "maccabeus" and thought "Ah, it's the beetle!" As it turned out I confused "maccabeus" with "scarabeus". So here is a scarabeus - an old Egyptian symbol for reincarnation and resurrection.  (Judas Maccabeus was a priest who led the revolt against the Seleucid Empire in Israel in the second century BC...says this really useful thing called internet)

Day 145 of 365

Make something incongruous. Use an unexpected material to make something familiar. This is a feather out of chopsticks. And another quote from Max Porter's "Grief is the Thing with Feathers": "Grief felt fourth-dimensional, abstract, faintly familiar. I was cold."

Day 144 of 365

Use your hands as your feed for what you do today. Clenching one's fist and some baby steps...I can relate this to the grieving process.

Day 143 of 365

Inspired by taste. A few weeks ago, one of my hospice volunteer colleagues and I were discussing the most favourite meal of the guests (patients): Nothing fancy, just bread with bacon and eggs.

Day 142 of 365

Cut a hole in the pages of a magazine so that what you reveal beneath creates something new. Sometimes there is this inner voice asking questions: Who are you? Where are you going to? What will be? And its favourite question is WHY?

Day 141 of 365

Make a pop up. Today: dancing on this thin line between madness and sanity... 🌈

Day 140 of 365

Create a rebus. This is a Tracy Chapman Song... "I'll see the black eyed cavalcade, lights on in the morn

I'll run fast and far away, I'll run without stopping

Till heart and feet fail or until I can stand

Be and be not afraid

Be and be not afraid

Be and be not afraid to reach for heaven" 

Day 139 of 365

Make something that will decay over time. Memento Mori Apple.

Day 138 of 365

Make something inspired by a fictional character. So maybe he is not a fully fictional character, but anyway, here is something inspired by Mitch Albom's "Tuesdays with Morrie".

Day 137 of 365

Something inspired by the mourning sky. It's a colourful grey... 

Day 136 of 365

Create a life-size person using your clothes. We all know, most people die in their beds...

Day 135 of 365

Make a rubbing by placing paper over rough objects and use charcoal to pick up the details. This is the imprint of the bathroom floor, where I sometimes sit and wonder what I'm doing in this crazy life. Did you notice that it looks like fingerprints?

Day 134 of 365

Reinterpret your favorite childhood story. I loved that at the end of every adventure, Petzi and his friends came home and had a pancake banquet. I like the thought of having some comfort food when the going gets tough...this was yesterday's dinner. 😌

Day 133 of 365

Make something surrealistic. The Valley of Tears.

Day 132 of 365

Make something on your shirt and wear it today. If someone wants to talk to me, here is the first sentence of my answer. 🤗❤

Day 131 of 365

Make a word out of objects in your environment. HEAVEN. People often ask me: Do you think dead people go to heaven? Do you think there is something like "heaven"? My answer is: I don't know! But if you need an honest answer, I'd say: I hope there is "heaven". Because I like the thought of a place to go to after death where it is nice weather and where it is quite and peaceful, maybe sometimes some dancing... Because why should I think that there is nothing or blackness or so, when I can imagine something nice? And I really hope that it is "low-threshold" to enter, so you don't need any membership card from a specific church or group etc. to get into! 😇

Day 130 of 365

Pick a piece of music. I picked four of my favorite pieces of music - they are linked to different times of grief. 

Day 129 of 365

Currency for a fantasy country. In the Land of Grief the currency is basically made of good thoughts, thoughtful words and helpful hands. 

Day 128 of 365

Write a ten word autobiography. "I am a grief magnet - that is fine by me."

Day 127 of 365

Mail art. Make or remake a postcard. I got this postcard from a friend it says in German: "I didn't opt for this life. I just got into it." - But yeah... There is some gratitude for that...

Day 126 of 365

Something flying. This is a little butterfly. My cousin would have been 18 years old this year. He was stillborn and after all this years I still can't grasp it.

Day 125 of 365

Work with triangles. This is me in a nutshell. And no, this is not me going from one extreme to another. It's more like knowing the ins and outs of both sides of this triangle and also acknowlegding that the basis of my emotions is on a spectrum between these two poles...

Day 124 of 365

Make something that seems to go through a solid wall. What does it feel like to be dead? "I don't know. But it feels warm on the other side!"

Day 123 of 365

Be inspired by an egg shell. "Moving on, as a concept, is for stupid people, because any sensible person knows grief is a long-term project." - I highly recommend everyone to read Max Porter's book "Grief is the Thing with Feathers". Not only, because it is such a great fable about grieving, but for me it was also the starting point of an unexpected in-depth conversation with a librarian in London. 

Day 122 of 365

Make a working musical instrument. This is a ticking clock (turn on the sound) - transforming into a heart beat at the end. See the video here

Day 121 of 365

Use tin foil. This is a tin foil rock. Yesterday I learned about a good metaphor for grief: grief is like a rock - it takes ages to remove that rock, and after many years it is still there and visible.

Day 120 of 365

Make something in a box. I did some research... ;-)

Find the video here!

Day 119 of 365

Create an animal. May I present you the rant-ant. Very furious and upset with life, people, herself, the situation, the system, the universe... This ant is armed with a baseball bat and a cannon, but mostly with an exceptionally large curse word vocabulary.

Day 118 of 365

Work with wood. What if I actually LIKE to dance alone? [acrylic on wood piece].

Day 117 of 365

Go out of your way and travel to a place you normally would not go. I didn't have to "travel" long distance: I usually don't go to the garden (I live in a rental flat and the garden is for everyone, so I there is the choice between garden and privacy, and I always choose privacy 🤗😁). But I remember my grandparents' garden: each of as grandchildren had her/his own row of pea vines - and we loved to plant and harvest the peas! 😍🌱

Day 116 of 365

Use a map. Is it only me who never finds the graves of the ancestors when back at home?! Here is a map of the (made up) cemetery in my hometown...and: apparently there is an app (of course there is an app) which is called "find a grave" to help you find everyone.

Day 115 of 365

Work with a kit of some sort. This is a kit from a Kinder egg. And because it's about a little lion, I thought about THE most devastating death in movie history... For many, it's the death of Simba's father... For me, it's more embarrassing: it was the death of the main character's best friend in "The Far Pavilions" - I cried so hard!

Day 114 of 365

Make something with bread. I made a sailing ship bread in memoriam my father's best friend who died a few month ago. Today I got a letter from bis family and I realised again: I miss him - not only for my sake, but for the sake of his family and especially my dad. I can't imagine living without one of my best friends...

Day 113 of 365

Red on red. Current state of mind. And contrary to what you might think it is: It's red tea in the shot glass. 

Day 112 of 365

Work with paint swatch samples. I worked with 50 shades of grey. Haha. But really: this got me the inspiration for today. Lets talk about sex, baby. More precisely: Sex and death. In French an orgasm is often referred to as "the little death". A few years ago I attended a talk about "Death and Sexuality" at the "transmortale" conference in Kassel/Germany and I was delighted, that there are (female!) scientists out there who research the still tabooed topics around death. Besides, how often do we talk about death and grief in connection with sex in everyday life? Probably not THAT often...🤔😎

Day 111 of 365

Facial expression from the leftovers of a meal. This is a speechless broken crisps face. Today was one of these days: One minute my co-worker and I were laughing about silly things, the next minute she got a phone call that her dad was diagnosed with cancer. So "speechless" was the facial expression of the day today...

Day 110 of 365

Spill something. I spilled Chinese Writing Ink on a piece of paper and then let it run. Sad face done. 🤗

Day 109 of 365

Work with dirt. I was in the train the whole day, so this is a quick one for today. The last days, I visited friends and family and I think not only my actual luggage was fully packed, but also my emotional suitcase is now full of old stories, and new stories, memories, feelings, good thoughts and sad thoughts...and I now need some time to unpack. What is old and can stay in the past? What influences my way of life until today? How can (and should) I integrate all this in my current activities and plans?... 

Day 108 of 365

...In the fogged bathroom mirror. I think this is really helpful to say to someone grieving, when you don't know what to say and aren't sure whether you should get in touch with them (a familiar feeling to me): "I want to give you space and privacy, but I am also worried about you, and I want to check in with you."

Day 107 of 365

Have a ball, make a ball or make something with a ball. How lonely can one be? [post it on kohlrabi] (inspired by @morekompensationforthisnation and "Cast Away" 🤗)

Day 106 of 365

Buy something at a thrift store and work with it. I bought this and the rest of the jeans at a thrift store when I was about 15 years old. And I loved these trousers, because they were tattered at the legs and everyone said: You can't wear a tattered jeans to this occasion or that event! And I felt quite rebellious to wear it anyway. 😌😎 I miss that jeans. 😢😊

Day 105 of 365

Optical illusions. My grandpa loved to tell jokes and was fun to talk to. When we were small children, my brother told him "Grandpa, you are fat!" and he said: "You may think it is fat, but that is an optical Illusion: I just have lots of muscles there!"

Day 104 of 365

Work as if you were a young child or baby. Today I met Jonas, he is 1 year old and we played with candy wrapper: Jonas enjoyed to jumble it up, crinkle it and throw it off the table...again and again. 😌😁 I was very fascinated about his endurance and determination... And I thought about how this might be also a metaphor for grief: jumble yourself up, crinkle in pain, falling and getting up again and again...?!

Day 103 of 365

Make something out of a napkin. What's in the numbers?! I went to a restaurant with my family today and we all (and the staff) still remember what my grandparents used to eat (my grandfather died over 10 years ago!): No. 306 is sweet and sour chicken and 311 is coalfish in tomato sauce. Bon appetit! 

Day 102 of 365

Palindrome Day!

Day 101 of 365

Open a book on a random page and get inspired. I read an article about feminists reclaiming the colour Pink... And I thought about my attempt to protest against the pressure to wear black at funerals and to reclaim my freedom to wear what I want and with what I feel most comfortable. These are some fancy designs for funeral outfits...Subtext: wear whatever you want to wear. Don't ask for permission. BUT: Make sure whatever you wear has pockets!

Day 100 of 365

Make something out of an old t-shirt and take a picture wearing it. Soooo...we have to talk about grieving and society's constant pressure upon people to self-optimize and to be strong, to move forward, to take the next step...or at the very least to find comfort in calender mottos... This t-shirt is my offer of talks! 

Day 99 of 365

Inspired by insects. My ideas for today were full of pictures with insects scuttling out of human bodies... But I decided to take it easy. You're welcome! 

Day 98 of 365

Work with time. So in this video there is my day in 1 min. (Side note: I never took so many pictures of myself in one day. 😱🙈) I tried to capture the facial expression and emotion I actually had and felt at that moment - and not smiling or grimacing in front of the camera. What I learned about my emotions today was: my spirit went up and down, most of the day I was really tired and didn't feel very well (that sneezing,... 🙄😕😷), smiling was exhausting, and taking pictures of myself without the chance to delete them is REALLY not part of my comfort zone. 😬😱😌

Day 97 of 365

An invitation to an every day event: this is the favorite cartoon of a dear friend of mine, so I thought it might be a good idea to celebrate my random survival of another monday with this still life - you are all invited to do the same (in your own way with whatever food or drinks or persons you prefer)! 🎉 🎉 🎉

Day 96 of 365

Work backwards. Working in front of a mirror, painting by looking into the mirror. I call this "Conversations with dead flowers": I really tried my best to keep you alive! Was there anything I could have done to save you? Is it my fault that you died? I didn't know how to cure you! Nothing helped! I tried everything! But in the end it was too late...I could only watch you die: first you lost all your colour, you turned so pale! Then you became grey and cold...

Day 95 of 365

Ask a stranger what to do today. Soooo... I don't like to talk to strangers... BUT: Strangers really like to talk to me. And on weekends I usually try to avoid that. BUT: I found a test on this really useful thing called internet. The test said "What should I paint today?" and the answer was: Black and Abstract. Please have a look at the upper left corner. I did this for a dare: leaving a space on the painting without colour! 😱😬😨💀👻

Day 94 of 365

The colour orange. 

- "We just wish you could be like you were before...?!"

- "How could I???" 😓

Day 171 of 365

Work with black and white. Yin and Yang: no life without death, no death without life...

Day 172 of 365

Make a book out of something other than paper. I got this in a Kinder egg and it's a magic board and it's the last page of every book. 

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Day 93 of 365

Make something with any screws or nails lying around. I wanted to make something inspired by the Dylan Thomas quote: "Do not go gently into that good night but rage, rage against the dying of the light."...well...this is the art for today, I guess...🤔😐

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Day 92 of 365

Write a letter to your future self. This is a letter to my dying and my dead self. I hope I won't need this letter any time soon, but just in case: these are 8 pages of my current thoughts on that topic. ✌😊⏳

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Day 91 of 365

Use coffee. Current state: pain. [coffee grounds on envelope].

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Day 90 of 365

Make a piñata. Today I thought about death in comics, Anime and Manga... Not that I am an expert, but my feeling is, that death is present in all narratives, but more like a threat or at a turning point of the story...Funny that the first thing that came to my mind was "Dragon Ball Z" and the death of Son Goku (my brother watched the series). 😌😁 So this is a Dragon Ball Piñata for today's prompt. 🤗

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Day 89 of 365.

Work with bubble wrap and other packing materials. I witnessed a car accident today and got the inspiration for this poem: "Roses are red, violets are blue. There is no such thing as ultimate protection, sorry and thank you." [bubble wrap and gift wrap]

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Day 88 of 365

Make something with stuff from your office. This weekend will be full of art and museums - that is why I was inspired to do a statue-like "person in grief".

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Day 87 of 365

Work with a candle. A quick one for today: Here's to silver linings where you least expect them! 🌈 [wax on wax].

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Day 86 of 365

Decorate a cake. I waited so long to do this: I made Brownies!!! And I need help to eat them! Any volunteers?  

UPDATE from yesterday's 86 of 365: I shared the Brownies with my grief councelling colleagues. We had so much fun! And I love, that they can share my sense of humour. 

Me: "Do you want a piece of this cemetery?"

Them: "Yeah, sure!"

Me: "A double grave or just a single one?"

Them: "I'm optimistic: Make it a double!" 😂😂😂 

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Day 85 of 365

Work with words. This is: Trying to live with "the WHY".

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Day 84 of 365

Work with soap. I painted a portrait of my grand aunt (my grandma's sister, who actually was like a third grandmother to me) with soap on my bathroom mirror. My grand aunt died 11 years ago - she was the first person I saw dead. And the past few years a lot of questions came to my mind  about how she lived her life, whether she was happy how she lived her life...these questions never came to my mind when she was still alive! Wouldn't it be nice to know the questions you want to ask a person ten years from today? ☺

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Day 83 of 365

Make a visual pun. Dead inside.

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Day 82 of 365

Invent an utensil. So this is a very handy utensil designed for everyday use. Today is #womensmarch anniversary, so this is a quick reminder: death positivity = feminist = body positivity = fighting for a good death for all people = smashing gender roles. As Sarah Chavez said: "Us morbid girls? We're going to save the world because we'll be fearless. If we aren't afraid of death, what is there left for us to be afraid of?"

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Day 81 of 365

Use erasers. I carved this in a technical eraser, thinking about my grandfather who had Altzheimer's: This is a terminal disease which in the case of my family was unsettling, baffling and we all hadn't enough knowledge about it to cope with it very well... Some days it seemed, there was a giant (and sometimes a small) eraser in my granddad's head, that deleted all the required and helpful information.

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Day 80 of 365

Try dyeing (or die trying)! Sorry, this will be the day of the puns... 😬😂 Attention! Attention! Important announcement: We are all dyeing (sooner or later)! 😱😍🎉 [watercolour on tissue] 

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Day 79 of 365

Search for litter in the street. I am spending my day at the airport due to a delayed flight and I only found this stain and turned it into a snail via smartphone... The snail symbolizes the slow and often invisible steps "forward" (what is forward?) in grief.

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Day 78 of 365

Make up a name and write a back story for a stranger. I visited a cemetery here in Madeira (of course): this is the grave of Vito Abreu Silva - he is remembered from everyone in his village as the man who always walked his dog "Pipo" along the road from his house to the churchyard, where he sat with the other elderly men to chat or more often to just sit and watch the people walking by.

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Day 77 of 365

Work with shredded paper. "What has that got to do with dying or grief?" "I don't know... Nothing... Everything!"

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Day 76 of 365

Make something you can wear on (or in?!) your ear. "If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive." (Brené Brown). 

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Day 75 of 365

Use chalk. I find it ridiculous to write "I was here" on public toilets, walls, hotel beds, etc. But it was the first thing that came to my mind when thinking about what to write on the Levada wall in Madeira. And it's funny: I never think about my own death as much as I do when I'm on vacation [I don't like being on a plane for instance 😬😌] So today I was thinking about legacy and leaving something behind for others to find when I die...you know...something that says: "I was here"...

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Day 74 of 365

Be bold: go to a restaurant and ask what they let you do. Soooooo...I am not the bold one it seems...but I went to a restaurant and made this camp fire [egg yolk, jam, Nutella, coffee on napkin]: when I worked with young people we used to do camp fires regularly and sitting around that fire always made the young people to open up. Often we talked about grieving and death. The death of the beloved hamster, but also being a witness of a violent death...this one goes out to camp fires, brave young people and social workers who sit with them!

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Day 73 of 365

Work with gravel, sand or rocks. "In grief, people reach their water table. Tears are nothing short of ground water."

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Day 72 of 365

Use your shoes. Memento mori. [pen on Converse].

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Day 71 of 365

Time travel: Make something inspired by another era. As it seems, I get to sleep tonight next to a human mummy... [I'll remove it before I leave the hotel room, I promise!]

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Day 70 of 365

Calculator operation! 1: What everyone thinks the grieving process looks like. 2: What it actually looks like.

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Day 69 of 365

Make a puzzle. In the light of current events: It's a blessing and a course.

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Day 68 of 365

Make something out of paper maché. I made a big tear with the words from Antoine de Saint-Exupery on it saying: "It is such a secret place, the land of tears." 

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Day 67 of 365

Ten-word science fiction story with illustrations. 

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Day 66 of 365

Go to the grocery store and find something new to work with. I went to the tea section and found an appropriate tea for grieving people: It's called "Inner Balance". A nice thought to sip some tea and then get your inner balance back! I tried some outer balance game with spoons, too.

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Day 65 of 365

The classic tangram shapes. Sad man walking. Find the VIDEO here:  https://www.instagram.com/p/BdiW4a7hAk2/

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Day 64 of 365

Today's theme is: It's all about me. So this is a self portrait with confetti and a crow.

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Day 63 of 365

Make a mask and wear it. An easy one for today: I printed the most famous funerary mask in the world from Tutankhamun and cut out the eyes. Done!

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Day 62 of 365

Make something with your dinner today. Once asked where I get my energy from in tough times I said: "Sitting on my red sofa in that specific spot between the second seat and the throw cushion on the right side energizes me." (And eating comfort food like pasta with pesto.)

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Day 61 of 365

Use only things you find in the bathroom. Happy Birthday to me! Here's to a new year and to old wishes that remain unfulfilled...yet! 🍾🍷🔮🎉 [toilet paper, tooth paste, nailpolish, Q-tips]

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Day 60 of 365

Document a shadow. This is a shadow of the past as Joan Baez sings: "Well, I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again...". 🎶 Every now and than I wished my younger self knew more about self-protection and setting boundaries...

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Day 59 of 365

Combine two things that generally don't go together. My grandma used to keep her yarn in perfect order. This is why this little yellow guy is slightly embarrassed about his whereabouts. 

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Day 58 of 365

As big as possible. My parents now have a huge snow owl in their backyard. Mythology knows a lot about owls and death: they are supposed to be connected to the wisdom of the soul and creatures of the world inbetween life and death...

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Day 57 of 365

Use a disposable plastic bag. Today's theme is: mourning your first car. My mum's first car was a sky-blue VW Beetle. She lost it during a car accident but it still lives on in her stories...

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Day 56 of 365

Make something heavy seem light. In grief the only way to make something heavy seem light is to wear a mask of serenity. 

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Day 55 of 365

Write an advertising jingle for something in nature. Want to hire the Professional Earth Worm Team? Now available at your local cemetery!

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Day 54 of 365

Make something with dots. Light in the dark with dots from candle wax.

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Day 53 of 365

The sense of smell. A cup of coffee was the last thing my grandma wished to drink before she died. The smell of coffee is also used as basal stimulation for dying people. It is a smell that is stored well in the human brain - plus: coffee powder absorbes objectionable odour that occurs in the dying process! ☕ 

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Day 52 of 365

Work upside down. The hourglass usually symbolises that time is running out at the end of life...

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Day 51 of 365

Make something that would not normally be considered cute or cuddly into something that is. First draft of "Kitten Coffin"! 

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Day 50 of 365

All white. Some new Christmas tree ornaments with snow flakes. I am going "home" for Christmas to visit my family who lives at the other end of Germany - the snowy part 😉. And it's funny because I never get homesick, except for when I am going home. 🤔 So the last days I am really looking forward to seeing everyone at home. 🤗

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Day 49 of 365

Quantity over quality: Work with a lot of something. I have a lot of postcards - some are over 15 years old. Some are from people that are already dead, some postcards are from people I haven't spoken in years... I think I keep the postcards as mementos... 

And there is a funny story, that some years ago, a friend stayed at my house and he was very surprised that there was a postcard from Brussels on my shelf - he couldn't remember that he himself send it to me! 

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Day 48 of 365

How tall can you make something that stands on its own? A suitcasetower. I have this thing with inheriting the suitcases of my ancestors: The red one was my great aunt's and I still take it on vacations. The little one under the red one belonged to my grandparents who took this suitcase with them when they went on their honeymoon - it was their only luggage (!!!). 

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Day 47 of 365

Work with flowers. Every Christmas my mum used to buy a bouquet of snow roses for my grandma. 

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Day 46 of 365

What can you do with faces? A face of grief. 

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Day 45 of 365

Use tape today. The human heart is a fragile thing...

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Day 44 of 365

Make something that lights up. Are you a giver or receiver of light in the dark? 

This was a not so easy idea to realise: or to be precise, it was easy in theory but not that easy putting it into praxis - a third hand would have been great. 

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Day 43 of 365

Learn something new. Ask a friend for a new technique. This was the possibility to try what my friend W. taught me a few weeks ago: painting portraits with a bundle of toothpicks! Here you can see a self portrait of the artist: This is me, hiding from the world outside and the gloom inside...

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Day 42 of 365

Make something better out of junk mail. Collage: when everything is shattered, be on the watch for love and light in the shambles.

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Day 41 of 365

Think big. Big shoeprint. 17 years ago we were searching my grandfather who didn't came back from a walk. It was snowy and cold and it became unrealistic to find him alive... However we went through wind and snow for many weekends, but it was April until someone else found his body. The current weather reminds me of that quest.

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Day 40 of 365

Make something with yarn. Little embroidery on a patch. And a little reminder in times of grief: your rage is okay.

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Day 39 of 365

Make a haiku about something you did today. Cookie galore!  

"Cookies like armies 

Perfection made by grandma

Unrivelled since then."

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Day 38 of 365

Work underwater. Acrylic colour on the bottom of a plastic can filled with water. I had to be quick: the decay came immediately.  

The theme for today is Meat Loaf's "Not a dry eye in the house. After loves curtain comes down. Listen and you'll hear the sound. Hear the sound of a heart breaking." 🎶 I so love this head line: what a dry sense of humour! When you look around you in times of grief and heartbreak and you can't find a dry eye in the house... 

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Day 37 of 365

Make something with a stapler. "Friendship, that’s like home." Kurt Tucholsky. Some of you might know friendship bracelets one exchanges with friends... I have those. But I also have a friendship stapler! 💪😎🎉 (and friendship bags, friendship pins, friendship nailpolish, friendship magnets, friendship dresses...). And often, when I feel lost and I'm not sure, where "home" is, I look at these friendship signs and I'm better.

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Day 36 of 365

Make something old look new. This is a sewing machine pedal without and with glitter...In my theory, there is a correlation between today's date (6th of December), certain birthday girls and sewing: it was my late grandmother's birthday today and she was a dressmaker. And it's the birthday of my dear friend Fr. Kirsche who is the coolest sewcialist I know. Glitter and gold and a happy birthday to you! 

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Day 35 of 365

Create instructions. How to do a cemetery stroll. In 5 steps. Try it, it's easy!

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Day 34 of 365

Work with wire. The skyline of Grief Mountain. 

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Day 33 of 365

Work with pens. Me when I'm upset.

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Day 32 of 365

Make something ephemeral. Combining art with necessity: liquid cleanser on bath tub. 😁😎 Next week it was 17 years ago that my grandfather went missing and in April it was 17 years ago that someone found his body in the forest. My family planted a tree at the place of discovery. 🌱

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Day 31 of 365

Make a path. Mourning is sometimes symbolized by a labyrinth: every time you think "now I am getting out of it" - there is a turn to get you deeper into grief. Yet it might also be a symbol of coming closer to your midst (?!).

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Day 30 of 365

Work with toys. This is a story of Rudolph going into the light (it is a picture story ;-). 

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Day 29 of 365

Make a disguise. Today: napkin doodeling, "grief comes in many disguises".

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Day 28 of 365

Use school materials. Little Laura (she's in 2nd grade) told me: "....and at Linda's funeral we had red balloons. They flew very high so Linda could see them and could catch one!" 🎈 

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Day 27 of 365

Inspired by a recent dream. Liberty or death: a flight through a tunnel with around 50 children, my brother and a guy called Tilman (hmmm...I don't know any Tilman)... Hello again, dear subconscious mind!

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Day 26 of 365

Make something portable which usually isn't. Hey Jude: "...And any time you feel the pain: Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulder..."

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Day 25 of 365

Work with nature. Little flower skull.

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Day 24 of 365

Everything green. "When you work with (grieving) people, you are like a chameleon: You can easily adapt and change your colour, so that people feel understood, accepted and appreciated the way they are." - one of the best compliments I ever got. Find the video on Instagram! 

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Day 23 of 365

Something out of the recycling bin. A medieval death lantern ("lanternes des morts") out of an orange juice package and tin foil.

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Day 22 of 365

Make a bridge. Bridging feminism and death awareness is like being a Ninja Turtle driving a volkswagen beetle: it doesn't make sence to everybody straight away, but it does to me (and to a lot of other people, too!) ;-)

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Day 21 of 365

Ten word story. With illustration.

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Day 20 of 365

Something out of clay. "There is a body burried within us: The body of the person we wanted to be with the one we loved." [Barbara Pachl-Eberhardt]

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Day 19 of 365

Floating. I discussed conceptions of afterlife with a friend a few weeks ago. Is there anything at all? Would we call it heaven?... One can discuss this endless because as a matter of fact (or in this case: no fact) we don't know it. But I think: if we don't know it, we can choose what helpes us put our minds at rest: For me it is helpful to think about a nice place (maybe with a bench where you can sit and chat) rather than to think about the great void, etc.

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Day 18 of 365

Make something with what you find in a car. "Call me. Something's happened." A short message from my parents that gives me the creeps: The last time I got that message almost two years ago when my grandma died. I grabbed my satnav, got a rental car and drove all the 7 hours to my hometown. 

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Day 17 of 365

Make something that goes over an eye. Rainbow.

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Day 16 of 365

Make a unique print. Inspired by the poem "Gone from my sight" from van Dyke: I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side.

And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

 

And that is dying...

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Day 15 of 365

Make something with paper currency. I started folding the banknote like this and remembered the night after my grandparents died, I dreamt about them standing like shadows in front of an open door looking at me...It was like a last greeting...In these instances I am very thankful for my subconscious mind... ;-)

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Day 14 of 365

Make something microscopic. The last days I thought about these tiny moments of freedom in the grieving process: laughter without feeling guilty, enjoying the sun and good music without feeling sad, going out with friends and actually having fun, being alone and not feeling lonely...

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Day 13 of 365

Make something with tea (bags)/ inspired by tea. I remember working with people diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders. One woman told me that one day she got really upset and overwhelmed with her feelings at a train station and she said she couldn't understand the reaction of the policeman who found her: "I was so upset and crying and that police officer brought me a cup of tea?! What was he thinking???" - I tried to explain the making of tea as a social ritual: trying to comfort oneself and the other person when you're not really sure what else to do (and when you know you can't do anything else!).

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Day 12 of 365

Camouflage something. Done it myself too often...

Day 11 of 365

Use your nondominant hand. I listened to "Green fields of France" and "the Band played Waltzing Matilda" and the theme for today was found: Grief and war. I painted this with my left hand... I remember both my grandfathers used to paint with (and favored) their left hand (however they had to learn to write with the right hand in school). 

Next weekend I'll attend a workshop about grief and wartime children, I guess this triggered some thoughts...

Day 10 of 365

Use only water. Diving in sadness. [water on cleaning rag]. See the Making-of video on Instagram.

Day 9 of 365

Make something with your breakfast. I went a bit Wehrli ("The Art of Clean Up") this morning. But here comes my all time favourite muesli-metaphor in times of grieving: Grieving is like a muesli - lots of stuff you just eat because it's in it, some really odd looking things you're not sure they're REALLY healthy,... and you have to digg deep to maybe (and it doesn't happen every day) find a piece of chocolate or another good thing!

Day 8 of 365

Transform an old book. I learned today: I really really can't cut into a book. But I did some sewing and hung the book on my lamp... I found this old copy of "Dead Poets Society" - a story full of grief and loss and guilt and anger but also full of love and admiration and about good teaching (!) and of course poetry. And I felt I should do some standing-on-a-desk today while reciting Thoreau: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived." 

Day 7 of 365

Make a stencil. This stencil says "mourning" and is shaped like a tear. I tried it on a shirt with textile colour and on a wall with spray paint which did not turn out well. The next stencil I make will be with more space between the letters! :-)

Day 6 of 365

Make something out of the first fruit or vegetable you see in the kitchen. This is a very ecofriendly banana coffin for day 6. I am not very pleased with the outcome, but think I just go with it and take it as an exercise in unperfectionism. ;-) 

Day 5 of 365

Make something with a collection: The broken one.

Day 4 of 365

Take a 5 minute walk outside and create something with materials you found on your way. Grieving sometimes feels like walking a tightrope.

Day 3 of 365

Experiment with paper without using scissors, glue, etc. Home and heart. Out of pages retrieved from the magazine of the (German) Federal Agency for Civic Education. I thought about losing home ("Heimat" in German) and making knots to memorize everything one had to leave behind. When I made the knot I saw that it resembled a heart...

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Day 2 of 365

My favorite animal: The grey haron. I find it comforting when I see one. 

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Day 1 of 365

Head and heart.

Ehem... I got a little overwhelmed with the thought of 365 days ahead. And I did, what I always do, when I get that feeling: I made a list. But I really don´t want to be too rational during this project, instead bring rational thoughts in line with my instincts and emotions. One can draw a parallel between that and dealing with loss and grief...

I am a mourning person.

It´s the final day of my second CreativeSprint. This time I stayed relaxed and optimistic throughout the whole challenge. And this gave me the courage to do a yearlong project inspired by Noah Scalin´s book "365: A Daily Creativity Journal".
I´m going to stick to the daily inspirations in the book for a while and see where it leads me from there.

People who know me won´t be surprised when they hear about the theme I chose for my project. Recently I found a printed shirt with this sentence on it: I am a mourning person. This is so right! I am a mourning person (to be honest I think everyone is). I think I always was. I can not count the things, places, dreams and of course people that I lost in my life so far. And since I was a young girl I am interested in death and grief and their effects on people and relationships and systems. I know, this sometimes seems like a very scientific view...this is a part of my coping strategy I think: Trying to understand the incomprehensible, trying to stay in control,...all these things.

However, I always tried to not stay detached but to get closer to my own grief and to the grief of others. Two years ago I became a qualified grief counselor. I am a hospice volunteer. I made a lot of good and appreciative friends in the field of grief counselling and hospice care. It is a very supporting and caring community (like the CreativeSprinters!). I am very grateful to get to know a lot of wonderful people coping with loss. And if there is one thing I learned in recent years:  Mourning and grieving and coping with loss is an art itself and we are all raw beginners...which nicely leads me to Day 1!

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